The Stranger, The Better

The worst part of planning a wedding, for me at least, is the mom. Mine is so beaming proud that her 36-year-old daughter isn’t a lesbian and as proof, is getting married, that she needs to let her entire ward (that’s a congregation for those of you who don’t speak Mormon) know. She also needs to invite them to the reception. At first, I was adamantly (put on a little makeup makeup, make sure they get your good side good side) against it. I asked her to narrow it down to maybe 5 invitations – you know, just people she was close to. A barter ensued and we were able to NARROW IT DOWN to 50. Not 50 people, 50 invitations, 50 families/couples. 50+ strangers. Why would I want all these strangers at my wedding?? Why in the world does she think this is ok? I’ve never met any of these people. Did I confuse her when I said “I’d just like family, close friends, and, oh, hell, let’s just DOUBLE the guest list and invite a bunch of people I’ve never met, too?” Maybe I should go stand in the middle of the mall and hand any extra invitations to passersby. She has tried to plead her case by saying “they might even throw you a shower.” Yay. A party with a bunch of strangers giving me free stuff. I can’t think of anything more comfortable. Except maybe selling a wheelbarrow full of crap to a feeble elderly woman on social security. However, I guess when you’re paying for your daughter’s wedding, that means you get to make all the decisions. Like what time things will begin and end, where the rehearsal dinner will be, who caters it, whose names go on the invitations, what color linens to put on the tables, which of daughter’s ideas are poo (all of them), etc. etc. Wait a minute, no it doesn’t! I think when you hang something over someone’s head like “you’re broke and I’m paying,” in order to have things the way you want them, it’s called manipulation. And, folks, that just ain’t right. So, even though the 250 invitations are printed and the photos that go with them are on their way, Chouaib and I just might go have a bonfire up the canyon with them (we’ll pay you back, mom), go to the county court house when my dad and brother come into town (immediate family only), and then have a nice reception when we can afford to do it our (my) way. How does that sound? Love ya, mom.

Published in: on September 21, 2008 at 3:19 pm  Comments (8)