Thought Processes

It’s a slow time of year for people who work at ski resorts. So I’ve been working whatever shifts I can, even if it means picking up banquet shifts on the same days I have spa shifts, making for back-to-back 16-hour days (yesterday and the day before). So, because I’m suffering from lack of sleep (but I did get to sleep in this morning), sore from 16 hours of walking around on the concrete in bad shoes, and subsequently getting around with all the energy of an 80-year-old, I was running late today. I called Joe, who was working the morning shift, to let him know I was going to be a little late to work because I still had to stop and grab some food. He was so nice about it, I asked if he wanted me to bring him anything. He thought for a while and said, “no, just some looove.”

Now, you have to understand that where I work it’s like a big family. We’re pretty casual with each other. We’re friends outside of work and pretty much scratch each others’ backs in the figurative, well, and sometimes literal, sense. So Joe’s request for looove wasn’t meant or taken as an advance of any kind. But it got me thinking about Katie’s blog entry a few days ago about a work crush (it’s good. You should read it). I started thinking about crushes I’ve had and what a strange thing crushes are. When I was younger and developed a crush on someone that didn’t materialize into anything more, I couldn’t imagine having a friendship with the crush. I’m not sure the reasoning for it: pride, embarrassment, feeling hurt and being less willing to forgive…a little of each of the above? Because I’m Marianne Dashwood, and tend to fall hard and fast (even when I try really hard not to), my previous way of doing things didn’t exactly contribute to forming friendships with people who are of the opposite sex of me (not including those that didn’t start out as crushes). It’s gone something like this.

“You’re awesome.”
“You’re awesome, too.”
“Well then let’s be boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“Not *that* awesome.”
“Ok, bye.”

Growing up into a somewhat mature adult has made me more resilient to crushes. I see them for what they are – an impulsive little rush of emotion and hormone – get over it, and settle in and cozy up to the friendship. Friendships are better than crushes anyway. They’re also better than crutches, which can suck even more than crushes. They’re better because they don’t have the “crush” factor, the little pang that comes when the realization of “this isn’t what you think it is” hits. When you think about it, crush is kind of a strong word. Isn’t it more like a bite? Yeah, or a punch, maybe. “Crush” should be reserved for something more intense. In fact, crush is kind of a defeatist name for what is happening. It makes saying you have a crush on someone almost sound like “well, I like this person and I’d hope they like me back in the same way, but it’s going to end in ruin.” Shouldn’t we call it a “hope” or a “like to?” This train of thought only begs the question

if a romantic interest = crush then does it follow that a serious relationship = devastation?

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Published in: on August 19, 2007 at 11:51 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. And now for your cross-cultural connection for the day:

    In Mexican Spanish, to have a crush on someone is to be “clavado” to them. Literally, to be nailed to them or to have them nailed on to you or your heart, or other various body parts.

    Other euphemistic sexual references will be heretofore avoided. This is Sesame Street, people, not The Rum Jungle.

    Now say, “Hola!” because “Hola!” means hello!

  2. wait, are there serious relationships that don’t equal devastation? i need to get me one of those.


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