Don’t read this if you wanted to be amused.

Although the song “How to Save a Life” by the Fray is grossly over-played, I have to admit that it’s brought a tear to my eye more than once. One of the twenty-gazillion times I heard it, it made me think of another song that I heard last summer. I ended up at a country concert (Gretchen Wilson) which didn’t turn out to be that bad. In fact, I thought she was really good. There were two opening acts and one of them, this guy who looked like he was 12, but with an eerily deep, unfitting-for-his-stature voice, sang another song that touched me to the core. I only remember the line “how do you get that lonely and no one know?” I think it touched me because I knew. I wanted to answer back.

It’s not about getting that lonely. It’s about the inescapable feeling that you will always be that lonely. It’s about not being able to see anything else because that’s all you’ve ever known. It’s not about being lonely, but living with your demons. It’s not about being lonely, but being surrounded by people who love you, but only wanting ONE. Then it’s about finding and losing him over and over, or never having him to begin with. It’s about one who breathes new life into you and just when you feel like you have a new best friend, you come to realize it’s not that way at all. And you wonder if it’s something you did or didn’t do. It’s knowing that the demons are what keep you from being confident enough, smart enough, funny enough, kind enough, loving enough, disciplined enough, strong enough, worthwhile enough, attractive enough, or beautiful enough to be loved…by just ONE.

i would go shopping and still
it would not come
i’d leave the country and still
it would not come
i would scream and rebel still
it would not come
i would stuff my face and still
it would not come
i’d be productive and still it would not come
i’d be celebrated still it would not come
i’d be the hero and still it would not come
i’d renunciate and still it would not come

-Alanis Morrissette

Then you do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about.

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Published in: on July 20, 2007 at 12:59 pm  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You ARE smart enough, funny enough, kind enough, loving enough, disciplined enough, strong enough, worthwhile enough, attractive enough, and beautiful enough…the demons only make you THINK you aren’t.

  2. It’s true. You are definitely enough. It’s such a hard place to be in. We’ve all experienced a measure of what you’re talking about. The hard part is that you’ll always be lonely. Until, you know, you’re not. Out of the blue. And your whole life can change in the blink of an eye.

    Sorry you’re feeling lonely. I love you.

  3. Listening to “Thinking of you” by APC, funny.

    No one believes me that Alanis is pure diety.

    As for the loneliness. Look at yourself in the mirror and try looking into your own eyes for about 3 minutes. If you can think of anyone else other then yourself (including me), you are not lonely.

  4. Thanks for the words. How appropriate “Thinking of You” is for this post! And I’m thrilled to hear a rep from the male species give Alanis props. If I weren’t Christian, I’d be Alanisite.

  5. I once listen Alanis as one of my favorite poets, alongside Elizabeth Bishop. The teacher laughed at me and said I couldn’t COUNT her. That teacher was an idiot.

  6. For sure, Kip. All songwriters are poets. DUH. Though not all of them are necessarily good.


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